What? No Giddiness?

Something inside me doesn’t want me to be happy. If When I find it I’m going to squish it with an evil smile on my face. Maniacal laughter shall follow. I’ve earned happiness, today especially. Today I bought myself a car - a really nice car, with an affordable payment, a Bose sound system, and a showroom-ready engine…crappy credit and all. I just told the recession to shove it. Strange thing is I haven’t celebrated yet. I’m not currently giddy-happy, which I reasonably should be. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet; tomorrow when I bring it home it will (insurance paperwork is a pain). The part of me that really really hates payments had to bite her tongue. As Honey pointed out in his classic black & white fashion, I’m gonna be paying someone my whole life. Not a single thing is free anymore, maybe it never was. As he also pointed out, I don’t take any joy in my success. Somehow I manage to find something to worry about or pick at and there’s no giddiness. “Thou shalt do the dance” hasn’t happened yet. And damnit, when you make a third of what you once made and just bought a luxury SUV there shalt be dancing!

And it was all me. The angels get their credit too, especially the short one I know personally.

So the morals of today’s story: “in the pits” is partially a state of mind. Widen your view. Sometimes you need to lose to gain. You are exactly where you are meant to be.

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