I’m surrounded by boxes. I had to move boxes to get into this chair, but I have no idea what’s in them. What is all this stuff? I know I don’t have this much stuff!
The boxes say otherwise.
In the midst of all this chaos it has occurred to me that for a very long time nothing in my life has gone according to plan. I’ve gone from having the plan that covered my whole life, or what I thought was my whole life, seen in terms of a career and not much else, to shorter and shorter mini plans as events continued to do other than I expected. Life deviates and after awhile I just got tired of rewriting the script. To those who say “life is what you make of it”…I obviously have no idea what I’m doing. On the up side, I’m getting more comfortable with the randomness of things and just treating them all as a sort of ongoing surprise. It keeps it fresh, to say the least.
Being a sales clerk at a lamp store wasn’t real high on my list of life goals. Neither was falling madly in love (at the time when I bothered to have a list of life goals). There are blessings in both. Finding love brought my face up off the books and made me realize I’m my own person before anything else, especially a mindless drone of the career-only mindset or someone's puppet. It completely changed my perspective and my path; so did quitting a good/bad job just in time for the economic downturn.
Its funny how all your decisions lead down the path you’ve walked and yet you feel as though you’ve had no say in your life. I don’t feel that way – I’m not in control of much, if anything, and I’m sure all the decisions I’ve made, big and small, have lead to this moment…just don’t ask me which ones.
Two days from now we start again. In a sense it’s a new life. Enough things will be different I couldn’t reasonably call it a continuation of our old life, but its still us living the best we can, so – your call. I hope things will change for the better, that we make progress towards our dreams, which is all I really go for these days anyway. Know what you want (that’s key) and work towards that dream, hold on to it like the shining sun on the horizon, something you can see even in the darkest dark or deepest pit, and always maneuver towards it. The journey will be amazing and one day you’ll reach it.
Or you won’t. Sometimes you can’t have what you want. But better to spend your life pursuing a dream than not. :)