Monday, Monday

It's Monday. That's almost enough said, isn't it? With my current schedule, Monday is actually my Wednesday, but it hasn't taken as much edge off as I'd hoped. Today was a good day. I'm working on a bid for a big corporate client - $7k in light bulbs if you can believe it - but it's been a lot of running people down and nagging until they help me. If I had access to their systems I'd do it myself - it'd probably save us all the headache.

We stayed out pretty late last night, what seemed late to me anyway after two nights up being up till 2am, and then got up at 6. That was rough. I'm doing this to keep my eyes open long enough for the laundry to finish washing. It would not be appreciated if I strolled into work tomorrow naked or in my pajamas. to it.

Ms. Twitch

I'm a bit twitchy just now. Got out of work late due to some stragglers. Had a good day, but have stopped moving and realized how tired I am. Sounds a bit too familiar really. If I were smart - and I'm not saying that I am - I would go to bed now cuz I've gotta be up in 2 hours for a red carpet event. I just hate that I don't get to see my husband...except right now I'm making him nervous cuz I can't sit still. Weird. Me.
Off to it, I guess.

Two Faces

I ran across a blog of someone I've met in person and my brain is having a bit of a hard time with it. See, her blog presents a completely different person than the one I met. My tired brain is trying to mesh the two perceptions together and it just doesn't fit. I met this girl at one of the photo group meetings we no longer go to. She's a white chick with dreadlocks, which I was fascinated with at the time, so after the meeting during the mingle/network session I went to chat about hair. She struck me as not overly friendly; even on a subject she was obviously into (the locks) she didn't light up and get all conversational. I asked if I could touch one - one of the discussions Honey and I had was what those things would feel like in bed next to him if I got them - and her response was to ask me if my hands were clean. She gave off this vibe that she thought she was better than everyone else and I was pretty sure we wouldn't be friends.

Now, all that being said....I visited her blog yesterday. She and her hubby have taken the plunge many of us talk about but can't quite pull off for one reason or another: they've given up their house and become full time RV'ers traveling the country. Her blog is inspiring, full of hippie chick stuff, green living stuff, 'unschooling', and nice photos of their adventures. She comes across as a warm, open person, a gentle spirit trying to enrich the lives of her family, and make the world a better place. Quite a bit different from the person I met.

So, the part of me that still insists people are good says maybe this lifestyle change has changed her. What would I be like if my days were filled with a relaxed unending roadtrip? Another opinion that was voiced was that she's an extremist (mostly of the environmental sort), that her presumed feeling of superiority applies to anyone who doesn't think the way she does, and that this persona she's presenting is to curry favor with the blogging community (she has some 200 followers). I don't know about all that. I just know she's living one of my dreams, the one that's gonna be on the back burner for awhile, making room for something else. I haven't got a big house to sell to fund my expedition; I also haven't got family across the country to support me. In the same breath, I don't grudge that she did/does.

I'm just gonna go with the positive in that her blog appears (from a brief glance) to be a rich resource for lowering one's impact on the planet, dashing bravely into the world, and living life to it's fullest. It goes nicely with the quote I got in a Dove chocolate candy last night: What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?

The Sickie Train

I need to eat something. I've got that kinda icky feeling where my head is starting to hurt and my stomach feels kinda sour. The blood sugar is dropping. PB and toast are in my future.

Today has been a challenge. One of my customers from work was causing grief for the other guys while I was off - pretty sure she's more trouble than she's worth. Anyone who saunters in and demands/expects a discount offends me. It's a discount store already; everything is 50% off or better. That's not good enough for you? (Seriously?!?)  Ended up having again what's becoming an old argument. I didn't win, as expected. Had a lady get mad at me for not giving her the fan blades she wanted. I tried to explain to her that the fan she chose came with certain blades, and no, I can't just swap them for the ones she wants. It doesn't work that way. She started tweedling, asking why not, and who's gonna know... People don't seem to understand that I'm not jeopardizing my job so they can get something for free.

.............................There's been a long unpleasant gap between when I started this post and now. I never did get that toast. The joke that's becoming my reality is this body is a delicate flower. She's easily upset and has a vicious right hook. The guys ordered sammies from the pizza joint to go with football and I managed to eat half of a half, forcing it down. I'm an undiagnosed hyopglycemic; the warning signs are as follows: headache, stomach ache, and nausea, which worsens over about 30 minutes. Eventually the smell of food with make me vomit, and by then I'm going to be very sick for the next two days or more. When it gets that far, Honey has to worry about me passing out in the bathroom in the middle of the night and throwing up on myself. Charming, isn't it?. Unfortunately, some days the pattern doesn't stick - everything goes sideways and I'm just freaking sick all of a today. So I was rapidly heading in that direction earlier , and went to lay down with a cool cloth on my face, hoping a little quiet stillness would derail the sickie train. It's been probably 3 hours and I can finally sit up without swaying. That was a serious WTF moment.

Back to bed, I think.

It's Always Sunny

Did I sound depressed in that last post? It wasn't my intention, cuz I wasn't, but I was run down and feeling it. Not every day is a great day, and on those not-so-great days I try to keep my mouth shut. I'm a closet angry person and though watching me self implode might be entertaining, I'm trying not to inflict negativity on the masses. I've been told that I'm text book 'depressed', undiagnosed of course. I have parent issues, anger issues, weight and lifestyle issues, and some days I wake up and just hate everything... which is neither healthy nor productive and makes me hell to be around, so I try to talk myself out of it before talking to anyone else. But being aware that I tend to "get the blues", now I'm paying more attention and trying to get my happy on. I used to be a very happy child; the world was my oyster in fact. I had the biggest dreams, hundreds of giant dreams, and I still want all of them - my head often gets in the way of how to have those dreams. Every hear the one about the different answers you'll get if you ask a child vs an adult how to put a giraffe in a refrigerator? An adult with tell you, of course, that you can't, with the size of neck and legs it's impossible. A child will say you open the door, take the giraffe by the neck, and put it in. Simple.

So why aren't I happy every day of my life and gone out to achieve all those big dreams? I'm still trying to convince my adult mind that I can put a giraffe in a refrigerator.

For the record, today was awesome. Any day I can wake up without an alarm qualifies as awesome. Got my groove on, had some Chipotle for lunch, went and helped beautify a house - I have mad cutting skills with a paint brush btw - watched a cheesy/cute movie over frozen pizza...good stuff.


I'm having something of an odd day. I over slept a bit - taking Tylenol PM generally leaves me feeling like I'm clawing out of a pit trying to wake up and keep my eyes open - work was good, I sold a large amount of stuff, the newest side job is going well. I even watched the new Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on the Disney's just that when I tried to work on my creative project... just blah. I'd say it was an overall good day, but not an amazing one. I don't have any reasons for this, but my theory is that I'm going thru the motions on a rationed energy supply. I haven't slept really well for about 3 days. The Tylenol is a last resort - I wake up groggy and retarded, the later being a lingering effect. So basically 'mediocre' is the best I've been able to do. From recovering over-achiever to accomplished slacker to average mediocrity. It's a shame really, that last part.

In the spirit of that mediocrity, I'm going to give up on this post and go to bed. Luvs gang.

Get your Turtle on

We need to slow down.

I support hard work and enjoy it; many people could benefit from putting in a little more effort, but that’s not how most of us live. We live in frenzy, too many tasks, too few hours in a day, nothing done with any care. Never enough time, not even for the things that matter. Rushing, rushing... I just finished reading a Dean Koontz novel titled The Taking. One of the lines that struck me was about forgetting the past and forsaking the future to live in the now, in the ‘still point of the turning world’. We could all benefit from such wisdom. It also chronicled how Satan, mistaken as alien invaders (like from Mars), would come to Earth to collect people who had become too accepting of murder, which was basically everyone except children under a certain age and a handful of adults who would die to defend them. The lead-up events were ironically congruent with everything that’s happening right now.

Anyway, I’ve had three recent encounters, two with complete strangers wandering into the shop, that have touched my heart. One told me I was an old soul and to hold on to that quality. She’s 65 and our perspectives are remarkably similar. I gave her the above mentioned book after a bit of conversation and it brought tears to her eyes. She said it meant more than I could know and asked me to at least sign my name inside the cover. I gave her a hug and she hugged me back like we were family. The second, in the same day, after hearing that my given name is Summer Velvet, told me I was a hippie born 20 years too late. It made me smile. I’m all for peace, love, and happiness, flowers and rainbows. I believe people are inherently good, despite the repeated evidence to the contrary, and that there shouldn’t be nations or color or religions – all the nonsense that produces hate – none of that matters anyway, to me at least. And the third was Manfred. He’s 81, remarkably spry and cognizant for his age, and a philosophical hippie at heart, an old-school gentlemen whose worked in show business his whole life. His business card, which he told me, was very old and the new one was designed by not printed yet, reads “philosophy, poetry, choreography”. He had amazing stories of working with Fred Astaire and an encounter with Liberace. He said I was very open-minded. Then he asked me if I knew the definition of ‘soul’. I said sure, it’s the essence of who you are, pure energy. He said yes, it’s all that too, but it really means Spirit Of Unconditional Love. I smiled; I like the sound of that and it’s probably true, just our minds and hearts get in the way. Then he told me the most beautiful phrase, one that distills into a single sentence everything Deepak Chopra and all the other wise men are saying, one that resonated with me:

Divine Almighty Oneness, Infinite Soul Beingness

I leave that to your interpretation, but I wrote it down. There was urgency in my head, an understanding that it was important to remember that phrase.

My main goals in life are to work for myself, step off life’s proverbial treadmill and slow down, take better care of myself, and find / maintain inner peace. Doesn’t sound like too much to ask, does it?

My birthday roses

I need to add a few links to my inspiration list; this minimalist lifestyle has my attention. I’m exploring it, but I’ve found two blogs that I like very much. See the sidebar for new links.

Bad Parenting 101

It's long after my bedtime, but I have an overpowering urge to say my peace on this one. If you have a baby in a casino anytime after 10pm - more specifically at 12:30am, who is wide awake and running around the race and sportsbook - you're a bad fucking parent. End of discussion.

Why in the world would you take a baby to a night out at the casino? That's our future, people.

Happy Weekend

I did it finally: cleaned out the cavern that was my closet. There are four rubbish bags waiting for the donation truck. It was quite liberating. I tried everything questionable on and if I couldn't wear it comfortably (ie not breathing or couldn't get past my thighs) out it went. I also managed to buy a few things that do fit, which was nice. It was getting rather desperate around here.

It's been a wonderful weekend. Redbox movies, frozen pizza (and yes, I really said the tag line, "it's not delivery..."), a little shopping, and an adventure at the Tropicana Theater ($1.50 theater). We've been gloriously sleeping in till 11am or later, staying up till 2-3am, and generally doing whatever we please. I miss living just the two of us. On the other hand, I appreciate this house, which is outside of my budget. So there you go.

My brain isn't really coherrent just now, so I'll leave you with a thought: would you rather be dirt poor and happy or hideously rich and utterly miserable?

Pumpkin Crisis

This is the second Thursday in a row that I've stayed up far too late (that's not the unusual part) and gotten to sleep in till I'm good and ready to get up (or food and bathroom necessities require it). It's awesome. This is what my life used to be like and I miss it. I've got another 3 weeks of this utopia before Mom comes home. Honey's pretending not to hear me but I keep dropping hints about how he should get his license by the time she gets back so he can drive her; I've paid my dues in that department.

Did anyone else know that canned pumpkin had some sort of health scare and is hence bloody hard to find? I have a recipe (a much coveted and therefore secret recipe) for this pumpkin dessert and went to four stores the other night looking for pumpkin, which is a standard pie filling, and couldn't get it. Needless to say I was considering donkey knockers for the Yukon as a form of stress relief. I managed to borrow a can from a lady I know with a ridiculously large pantry and so have averted this crisis for the moment, but the quest continues.

In some interesting cheapskate news, we've been let in on the secret of the closest thing to the $1 theater: the $1.50 theater. I went to the movies all the time as a kid because of the $1 movie theater. Even the concession stands were cheap. Granted, it was a dive - the carpets were stained and the floors often sticky, they had those rough fabric seats and none of the seats reclined (like they do every other row now), but I loved it. Got to be really good at Time Crisis (for a girl anyway) and learned to movie hop (which is ludicrous, I know, when the flick is a dollar). I also perfected looking natural carrying a purse full of goodies the size of carry-on luggage. They were good times. So now, in our recession squeezed economy, my grown up movie outtings are a thing of the past. The last movie I saw in theaters was Avatar (granted I saw it 3x) and since then a slew of flicks have come out that I want to see, but have resigned myself to waiting until Redbox has them. Now I have a middle option, a little wait but still the movie theater experience, at the $1.50 theater. Where is it you ask? Good question. Let me holler at my hubby.....
It's down in the ghetto on Tropicana and Pecos, right in my neck of the woods. I don't mind sharing this novelty with the masses - the success of places like this land squarely on the shoulders of the lower class (that's basically everybody who makes less than $600k a year so don't be offended), and frankly a reprieve from the stresses of the present, however brief, is well worth it. And at a buck fitty (that not a typo, that's humor) who can say no? I plan to waste an entire day there...