For whatever reason, today is the day I noticed how disillusioned I am about people. People in general I suppose, but also some people I actually know, or at least thought I did. Ever wake up one day and realize your oldest “friend” isn’t someone you’d associate with today if you met on the street? I get people change, some take it too far and others not enough, but mostly I want to know real people. Maybe I’ve gotten spoiled or more stubborn living with my hubby, who tends to be himself regardless of the consequences, but I respect knowing exactly what I’m dealing with. Even if I’m trying to get in your pants I don’t have the ambition for head games or the desire to play any. In those instances I think more like a man, which means zero in on getting the tail into the sack. The point being: be you and let that be enough.
I’m doing my damnedest to ground and center myself, to be a better person for me which will in turn make me a better person to be around; hence I want to surround myself with people like that. Unfortunately there are damned few. That leaves me wandering in a sea of self-absorbed fake people who don’t even see me unless I impact their lives somehow. Sad, really.
Happy Birthday Monkey
First and foremost: Happy Birthday to ME!
I'm trying not to get stuck on the fact that I'm getting older, cuz we're all headed the same way and an OMG-I'm-almost-30 crisis is unneccesary. Unfortuantely, circumstances don't permit much celebration. Mom took me out to breakfast at my favorite pancake house, but soon it'll be time for work. As soon as Honey gets back from the hardware store, it'll be more brick laying in the backyard of the project house. The boys are out front valiantly trying to remove a stubborn tree stump. There's a deadline you see, a non-negotiable, fast approaching one, and regardless of the suffocating heat, how tired or sore we are, it's gotta get done. Period.
I found this work-from-home thing online today. Can't tell if it's a scam or not, many of them are. All I know is neither of us is up for too much more HARD manual labor - we played too hard as kids and are now semi-broken down adults. The body can only take so much, and my own aching back leaves me wondering - isn't there a better way? You know, smarter not harder?
My whole dream in life is to travel, needing less materially and having more spiritually. I want my little house; I want my dog that I can't own in any rental property in Vegas because it's "vicious"; I want wind chimes and the open road. No debt, no time clock, no giant crushing bills I need to juggle every month... I want it simple, good, and ultimately peacful. Don't think I'm asking for too much and don't care if you disagree. :)
There should be backpacking to exotic places, 3 month getaways to places like Bali, Italy, Austria, eating amazing food everywhere. There's not time in there for a 9-5. Part of me really wants a legit work-from-home gig - it's really the perfect fit for the life I want. The trick is finding one that's real and actually pays and doesn't require 18 hours of my day (that kinda defeats the purpose for me). The other option, which I haven't a clue how to pull off, is to put a large enough chunk of money into a high yield account and then live off the interest. Seeing as I don't have a large chunk of anything (not even cheese!), this may be difficult.
For now we do what we must - even when it's sweating my tail off in 107 degree heat on my birthday - in efforts to eventually realize the dream. Every small step brings us closer...
*Totally off subject, but I noticed how much nicer my posts are when there's pictures...but I'm not at home so you'll have to wait until next time. :)
I'm trying not to get stuck on the fact that I'm getting older, cuz we're all headed the same way and an OMG-I'm-almost-30 crisis is unneccesary. Unfortuantely, circumstances don't permit much celebration. Mom took me out to breakfast at my favorite pancake house, but soon it'll be time for work. As soon as Honey gets back from the hardware store, it'll be more brick laying in the backyard of the project house. The boys are out front valiantly trying to remove a stubborn tree stump. There's a deadline you see, a non-negotiable, fast approaching one, and regardless of the suffocating heat, how tired or sore we are, it's gotta get done. Period.
I found this work-from-home thing online today. Can't tell if it's a scam or not, many of them are. All I know is neither of us is up for too much more HARD manual labor - we played too hard as kids and are now semi-broken down adults. The body can only take so much, and my own aching back leaves me wondering - isn't there a better way? You know, smarter not harder?
My whole dream in life is to travel, needing less materially and having more spiritually. I want my little house; I want my dog that I can't own in any rental property in Vegas because it's "vicious"; I want wind chimes and the open road. No debt, no time clock, no giant crushing bills I need to juggle every month... I want it simple, good, and ultimately peacful. Don't think I'm asking for too much and don't care if you disagree. :)
There should be backpacking to exotic places, 3 month getaways to places like Bali, Italy, Austria, eating amazing food everywhere. There's not time in there for a 9-5. Part of me really wants a legit work-from-home gig - it's really the perfect fit for the life I want. The trick is finding one that's real and actually pays and doesn't require 18 hours of my day (that kinda defeats the purpose for me). The other option, which I haven't a clue how to pull off, is to put a large enough chunk of money into a high yield account and then live off the interest. Seeing as I don't have a large chunk of anything (not even cheese!), this may be difficult.
For now we do what we must - even when it's sweating my tail off in 107 degree heat on my birthday - in efforts to eventually realize the dream. Every small step brings us closer...
*Totally off subject, but I noticed how much nicer my posts are when there's pictures...but I'm not at home so you'll have to wait until next time. :)
Meet the Craftons - a true inspiration
I had one of those rare conversations with my boss today that rounded out the wild wandering thoughts I’ve had lately. He’s got tons of well-off family in Hawaii that’ll provide him with a place to stay and help him get work. He can surf everyday and go fishing, laze about on the beach, and enjoy that classic Hawaiian slowness. I asked what the hell he was still doing here. If it were me, I’d be on the next flight with only a duffle bag.
I’ve had several things re-spark my wander lust lately…our trip to Utah, hearing about a that 28-day trip in the previous post, looking almost daily at the tiny house we plan to build and run away in, and now this story on a family of 5 sailing the world for 7 years. I’ve found their story again to share with all of you. Read it here. It’s beyond inspiring. And my boss has a valid question when he asks: “there are people all over the world doing it [running off and fulfilling their dreams], so why can’t I? But how do I do it?”
I’ll be adding some links soon for indie travel and an excellent reference for anyone serious enough to go backpacking. There are all sorts of sites for work-live farms and couch surfing, ways to live cheap and have a great time. If I were prepared right now, I'd be gone tomorrow.
The bottom line is: what’s stopping you? Decide what your dreams are, get your shit together (making every step one in the direction of that dream), and go. You only live once. :)
I’ve had several things re-spark my wander lust lately…our trip to Utah, hearing about a that 28-day trip in the previous post, looking almost daily at the tiny house we plan to build and run away in, and now this story on a family of 5 sailing the world for 7 years. I’ve found their story again to share with all of you. Read it here. It’s beyond inspiring. And my boss has a valid question when he asks: “there are people all over the world doing it [running off and fulfilling their dreams], so why can’t I? But how do I do it?”
I’ll be adding some links soon for indie travel and an excellent reference for anyone serious enough to go backpacking. There are all sorts of sites for work-live farms and couch surfing, ways to live cheap and have a great time. If I were prepared right now, I'd be gone tomorrow.
The bottom line is: what’s stopping you? Decide what your dreams are, get your shit together (making every step one in the direction of that dream), and go. You only live once. :)
The 14th Amendment
If you’ve been reading the news at all lately you’ll have noticed the 14th Amendment is up for debate. It’s the one that says if you’re born here then you’re automatically a citizen. And it’s producing outcry from all sides for different reasons: it’s no small matter to alter the Constitution, which has stood as the pillars of our society for 234 years. Most of it is political, some of it is Americans who think immigrants are taking their jobs (except none of us wants to wash dishes for 25 years, etc), and others think the public assistance programs are being bled dry by immigrants who don’t even pay taxes (none of us have 8 kids and work for minimum wage…). The article I read estimated over 10 million illegals here; we all know that “securing our borders” and all the woo-ha in Arizona lately is part of it too. The example given for even considering changing the Constitution was ‘a woman from Brazil coming here, having a baby, and flying home’. That was political fencing – we all know the largest numbers of immigrants aren’t from Brazil. Politicians were considering the very large number of Hispanic voters and their future careers. I’m sure it’s some, if not all of that, and way more complicated than any of it. Since everyone has an opinion on it, I might as well throw my two cents in. I have a slightly different perspective than most, seeing as I married a Mexican immigrant (he’s legal by the way) and I run into more illegals than other people I know.
Those guys from Cuba who made a pontoon boat out of an old pickup truck and 50-gal barrels – freaking amazing. That’s the kind of ingenuity and drive we need in this country. They want to be here.
I know two guys from El Salvador, David and William, who spent 28 days walking and hobo-ing on trains to get here. They lived entirely on canned corn the entire trip and used cardboard to keep warm. That’s in the neighborhood of 2236 miles.
Have you ever wanted something so badly? Would you walk 2236 miles for it?
I don’t think anyone aspires to be an illegal immigrant with the threat of deportation hanging over them. And remember, all our ancestors – unless yours happen to be full-blooded Native American – were immigrants who came here looking for a better life. That’s all everyone is doing. Unfortunately the systems in place are bursting at the seams. America has billed itself as the most prosperous nation in the world – has anyone read the plaque on the Statue of Liberty lately? ("Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free..."). We have no right to be surprised everyone wants to come here.
I’m not defending illegally crossing into the US; I understand and believe we are having a population explosion that as a nation we can’t afford. I’ve gotten plenty of email blasts about all the benefits of coming here vs say crossing to China (where you’ll be shot by the way), how we’re all paying for millions who aren’t contributing to the good of us all (taxes), so on and so forth. But does anyone have a solution? We’ve all got plenty to complain about, self righteous folks on both sides, but no one has a realistic solution. Do we close the borders altogether? Easier said than done, but possible. Do we start making citizens out of permanent residents who’ve been here 10 or 20 years? They already pay taxes just like citizens, so might as well. Do we start asking everyone who looks remotely foreign about their immigration status? They’ll be mass uproar everywhere, not just Arizona. But really, what do we do?
The argument I hear the most is that the government provides all these services: healthcare, education, food stamps, housing, and so on to illegal immigrants. The catch is that the children of those illegals are citizens with every right to those services because they were born here. Hence the attempt to change the 14th Amendment.
All I know is the illegal immigrants I’ve met are some of the most humble, hardest working, and openly friendly people, who will share what little they have with a smile. They’re doing anything in their power to work, raise themselves or their families, and stay here. Those are the people who could better our country if the circumstances were right.
Those guys from Cuba who made a pontoon boat out of an old pickup truck and 50-gal barrels – freaking amazing. That’s the kind of ingenuity and drive we need in this country. They want to be here.
I know two guys from El Salvador, David and William, who spent 28 days walking and hobo-ing on trains to get here. They lived entirely on canned corn the entire trip and used cardboard to keep warm. That’s in the neighborhood of 2236 miles.
Have you ever wanted something so badly? Would you walk 2236 miles for it?
I don’t think anyone aspires to be an illegal immigrant with the threat of deportation hanging over them. And remember, all our ancestors – unless yours happen to be full-blooded Native American – were immigrants who came here looking for a better life. That’s all everyone is doing. Unfortunately the systems in place are bursting at the seams. America has billed itself as the most prosperous nation in the world – has anyone read the plaque on the Statue of Liberty lately? ("Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free..."). We have no right to be surprised everyone wants to come here.
I’m not defending illegally crossing into the US; I understand and believe we are having a population explosion that as a nation we can’t afford. I’ve gotten plenty of email blasts about all the benefits of coming here vs say crossing to China (where you’ll be shot by the way), how we’re all paying for millions who aren’t contributing to the good of us all (taxes), so on and so forth. But does anyone have a solution? We’ve all got plenty to complain about, self righteous folks on both sides, but no one has a realistic solution. Do we close the borders altogether? Easier said than done, but possible. Do we start making citizens out of permanent residents who’ve been here 10 or 20 years? They already pay taxes just like citizens, so might as well. Do we start asking everyone who looks remotely foreign about their immigration status? They’ll be mass uproar everywhere, not just Arizona. But really, what do we do?
The argument I hear the most is that the government provides all these services: healthcare, education, food stamps, housing, and so on to illegal immigrants. The catch is that the children of those illegals are citizens with every right to those services because they were born here. Hence the attempt to change the 14th Amendment.
All I know is the illegal immigrants I’ve met are some of the most humble, hardest working, and openly friendly people, who will share what little they have with a smile. They’re doing anything in their power to work, raise themselves or their families, and stay here. Those are the people who could better our country if the circumstances were right.
Monday Traffic
Today has been plagued by a general insistence by everyone on driving 35mph regardless of the speed limit and for everyone else to ignore the implication of the music being cut off in a retail store (it means we’re closing now and you should check out or get out). I left work 30 minutes late and the mad dash began. It’s what I do.
The last week has been rather uneventful, at least for me. If it was, I don’t remember much of it. Sunday I got to go swimming and eat lobster for the first time (it doesn’t take like much to me…?), now all I want to do is go swimming. I’ve found a new author that I’m itching to delve into; he’s dead but the reviews say he wrote several psychological thrillers. I haven’t read any of his stuff yet, but they’re making movies out of them soon so check out Stieg Larsson’s “Millenium” series if you get a chance. Honestly I can’t remember what else has been happening…the internet was down and I did gloriously little on Thursday. The shop damn near fell apart while I was camping (the other guy lost his temper and yelled at the boss, said “I don’t trust you!” and other bad things), the boss took today off due to stress, and now we have an installation company we’re supposed to push who charges twice the rate of the freelancers. I sold my first installation the day of the meeting (my day off) in my beach shorts and flip flops. Yeah, I’m that bad ass.
Much of my free time will soon be spent on trying not to be so bad ass in retail. I’m shopping positions in my own field, which is interior design for anyone who doesn’t know. Retail has altered my perception of the general public, not for the good I’m afraid. People suck. And people have taken the adage of “the customer is always right” to include situations where the customer is being a complete and utter jackass, trying to get something for nothing, and/or needs someone to blame besides themselves. Case in point: we are closed for inventory. A lady comes pounding on the door, demands to be let in because the fan she bought from us was missing the cotter pin, her ‘handyman’ installed it anyway, and it fell from the ceiling, demolishing a coffee table and damaging the floor. Somehow this is our fault. Does anyone not see how retarded this situation is? If your shit is missing parts, come see us and we’ll give you one. If your handyman doesn’t know he shouldn’t install something with missing parts, then you got what you paid for. This woman expected the company to replace her fan, buy her a new table and pay loads of money to fix her floor. Oh yeah, and be seen and waited on on a day when we are closed. Just cuz the lights are on and you see someone doesn’t give you the right to pound on the door and demand service. There’s a reason the door is locked (to keep crazies like you out!!). So I no longer think people are inherently good. I think people are sanctimonious bastards who need to realize the world doesn’t revolve around them, it’s not that fucking serious (whatever it is), and I don’t owe them shit! And that’s at the start of my work week.
I have a new dream plan. It’s been occupying my head space for the last week, basically since we got back from camping, and yes, I’ve been mostly useless the whole time because of it. Maybe that’s why I can’t remember what’s been happening….? Anyway, I don’t want to spoil it, but check out this website for a hint. (Insert devilish grin here)
Check in for the gig I’m waiting on isn’t for another 40 minutes, which means carpet arrivals aren’t for another 70. These little bastards better be on time. “The Wolfpack” has a whole new meaning now which has nothing to do with the University of Nevada, Reno. Any Twilight fans reading this blog? I’ll reserve the next comment for myself. But you get the idea.
This Friday is my girls’ day out. I’m really excited. Haven’t decided what I’m doing yet, but whatever I F’ing feel like comes to mind. There should be a pool involved somewhere if possible.
I think I’ve run out of witty things to say for the moment. I’m getting tired though tonight is a long way from over. After this carpet drags on, I’ll go home and attempt to post my camping blog and this one, just for you. So feel special – I’m losing sleep over this.
The last week has been rather uneventful, at least for me. If it was, I don’t remember much of it. Sunday I got to go swimming and eat lobster for the first time (it doesn’t take like much to me…?), now all I want to do is go swimming. I’ve found a new author that I’m itching to delve into; he’s dead but the reviews say he wrote several psychological thrillers. I haven’t read any of his stuff yet, but they’re making movies out of them soon so check out Stieg Larsson’s “Millenium” series if you get a chance. Honestly I can’t remember what else has been happening…the internet was down and I did gloriously little on Thursday. The shop damn near fell apart while I was camping (the other guy lost his temper and yelled at the boss, said “I don’t trust you!” and other bad things), the boss took today off due to stress, and now we have an installation company we’re supposed to push who charges twice the rate of the freelancers. I sold my first installation the day of the meeting (my day off) in my beach shorts and flip flops. Yeah, I’m that bad ass.
Much of my free time will soon be spent on trying not to be so bad ass in retail. I’m shopping positions in my own field, which is interior design for anyone who doesn’t know. Retail has altered my perception of the general public, not for the good I’m afraid. People suck. And people have taken the adage of “the customer is always right” to include situations where the customer is being a complete and utter jackass, trying to get something for nothing, and/or needs someone to blame besides themselves. Case in point: we are closed for inventory. A lady comes pounding on the door, demands to be let in because the fan she bought from us was missing the cotter pin, her ‘handyman’ installed it anyway, and it fell from the ceiling, demolishing a coffee table and damaging the floor. Somehow this is our fault. Does anyone not see how retarded this situation is? If your shit is missing parts, come see us and we’ll give you one. If your handyman doesn’t know he shouldn’t install something with missing parts, then you got what you paid for. This woman expected the company to replace her fan, buy her a new table and pay loads of money to fix her floor. Oh yeah, and be seen and waited on on a day when we are closed. Just cuz the lights are on and you see someone doesn’t give you the right to pound on the door and demand service. There’s a reason the door is locked (to keep crazies like you out!!). So I no longer think people are inherently good. I think people are sanctimonious bastards who need to realize the world doesn’t revolve around them, it’s not that fucking serious (whatever it is), and I don’t owe them shit! And that’s at the start of my work week.
I have a new dream plan. It’s been occupying my head space for the last week, basically since we got back from camping, and yes, I’ve been mostly useless the whole time because of it. Maybe that’s why I can’t remember what’s been happening….? Anyway, I don’t want to spoil it, but check out this website for a hint. (Insert devilish grin here)
Check in for the gig I’m waiting on isn’t for another 40 minutes, which means carpet arrivals aren’t for another 70. These little bastards better be on time. “The Wolfpack” has a whole new meaning now which has nothing to do with the University of Nevada, Reno. Any Twilight fans reading this blog? I’ll reserve the next comment for myself. But you get the idea.
This Friday is my girls’ day out. I’m really excited. Haven’t decided what I’m doing yet, but whatever I F’ing feel like comes to mind. There should be a pool involved somewhere if possible.
I think I’ve run out of witty things to say for the moment. I’m getting tired though tonight is a long way from over. After this carpet drags on, I’ll go home and attempt to post my camping blog and this one, just for you. So feel special – I’m losing sleep over this.
Camping in Utah
We made it back alive! Based on the weather we’re having today, however, we shouldn’t have come back at all. 108˚F with 20% humidity. Gag and then pass out.
So we planned this camping trip with friends, they were all gonna carpool and share a cabin, rent a boat for the day, see Bryce, so on and so forth. Then everyone canceled on us, couldn’t get days off, whatever, and what not. After being temporarily miffed, I was ok with that; decided we were going regardless and gonna have a good time. 
So we canceled the boat and the cabin, got a camp space instead with the logic that despite money being tighter than a drum, we needed the trip. (I weighed my reactions to being broke when we got back vs. not going at all, and that settled it). Two days before we leave, the friends wander back into the picture, asking about departure times and if a German Shepard will fit in our car with two more bodies and our entire collective camping gear. The day before departure, we picked up two more. So now we’re a ragged band of 6, all arriving at various times after dark to set up tents half way up a mountain in Utah. We arrived first, with a borrowed tent we’ve never seen or set up before (ours finally died after the last trip), and using our Yukon’s headlights for light (her name is Winnie the Strong, by the way), spent an hour fooling with it, trying to get it to stand on its own. Once we finally got the thing constructed (nicknamed “Bitchy and Complicated”), we realize we’ve killed Winnie’s battery and she won’t start. She wouldn’t even try. Normally this wouldn’t be too big of a deal: we’re not out in the boonies by ourselves; we’re in a campground full of fancy RV’s owned by a couple of rascally Brits – somebody’s got jumper cables. We are, however, parked right where our friends need to set up their tents…and it’s the middle of the night. So then we wait. It’s rubbing up against 11pm Nevada time and still no sign of our friends, neither of whom have ever been where we are or driven that winding mountain road in the dark (when every deer on the planet comes out). I gave up and went to bed. Honey had a plan to push Winnie out of the campsite, across the road, and outta the way until morning. I figured he could handle it. 
All our friends made it in about 30 minutes apart and even found the campsite. They woke me up enough to hear Winnie’s engine turn over under her own power, which amazed us both. Our car is smarter than we are, apparently, and hence the moniker “the Strong”. (Her name is Winnie because my license plate ends with ‘WNY’).
Our first day in the beautiful 75˚F weather was spent collecting firewood and frogging about in Dixie Forest, visiting our ‘love tree’ where we carved our initials back in 2007, eating too much at the Bear Paw Café, and playing chess. I had a lapse in judgment and sat in the sun in my underwear without sun block for probably 45 minutes; and yeah, Irish girl that I am, burnt to a crisp. My nickname was Burnie McLobster from then on. We tried to catch the amazing sunset from our favorite spot (called North View) but all the wind was kicking up dust and making it hazy. When we came back, the 7th camper had showed up and we moved down to his site for the campfire – there was a family reunion on both sides of our camp, so 20 people where sitting around their fire, drinking and singing ‘La Cucaracha’ to some questionable guitar playing. 
Day 2 we lost two campers (they had to go home) and tried shore fishing. Honey got frustrated pretty fast and we opted to rent a boat after all. We got a small pontoon for five people and two dogs. I caught a fish, but broke my line before I could get him in the boat…which is when we realized we left the net in the car. Nobody even got a bite the rest of the day. I’ve never had good luck fishing there, no matter what bait, lure, or junk I throw in the water.
Day 3 was check out. I thought for sure the other couple would head for Bryce Canyon, since she’s never seen it and it was part of the original plan. They headed home after breakfast instead. We headed back the way we came, trying to avoid going into Zion the back way and being charged for passing through. We went back down to Cedar City to top off the gas, and then took a gamble that paid off a 100-fold. We took an unpaved track called Kolob Reservoir Road. Like Honey said, it’s not really one of our trips until we do something like that – wander off the beaten trail and go exploring. It’s where we’re most comfortable, just us two out frogging about. It was gorgeous beyond belief. We stopped and took pictures in several spots and came out behind the lake, which is only a short hop down to Spingdale right outside Zion’s front door. We went to Oscar’s Café, as is tradition, and had the green chile pork burrito. Did a little wandering in the shops close by to walk it off a little before heading out. We stopped at the apple orchard place, which we’ve driven by probably 6 times, never when they’re open, and bought ginger peachy butter (which I could gladly eat from the jar with a spoon). 
We made it back. Winnie did awesome. And I’ve discovered a handful of things: 1. I want to dabble in metal arts like wind sculptures and chimes, cuz my budget isn’t flexible enough to stretch around $500 worth of perfectly tuned Pacabel chimes nor will it be anytime soon, 2. we’ll have to find ways to road trip despite the recession – it’s therapy I can’t pass up.
3 Jobs
I’m going to start telling people I work three jobs. Cuz ultimately, I do: my day job, Honey’s photography gigs and assistant, and side work, like I did all weekend. I am a ridiculously busy and tired woman. Somewhere in there I need to find time for me, to eat well and exercise a bit.
I had something of an epiphany last night – I’m in the very unique and enviable position of having a man who loves me for exactly who I am, not the body I live in, not the money I can bring to the table, not contacts, connections, or any of that nonsense; just for me. I could weigh 100lbs or 400lbs; it wouldn’t make a difference. I could go bald, lose a limb, become blind, deaf, or severely disabled, and he’d love me just the same. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how lucky I am, and how I don’t know anyone else who can say that. Honey supports me, whether I want to work out or not, have a career or specialize in doing nothing, play Suzie Housekeeper or keep it to the bare essentials of sex and laundry. As long as I am happy and it doesn’t hurt me, he’s happy. I should be the happiest woman in the world…and I will be more often, as soon as I get my own head out of the way.
We went out with friends the other night, most of them the fit skinny types, and though everyone accepts me just as I am, I start comparing me to them and (of course) coming up short. It’s a neurotic thing I need to squelch ASAP. But having thought about it for two days, I’ve realized several things: 1.) I won’t ever be them – my body isn’t built to be a size 4 no matter what I do, 2.) that’s a good thing, because curves are rare these days, 3.) like Connie and Carla said, “tall, short, skinny, or fat – worship that body! It’s the only one you’ve got.” 4.) and maybe most important, I need to love me no matter how I am, cuz hating myself won’t be solved by changing dress sizes. The other thing I realized is that no matter how great this new HCG stuff sounds (who wouldn’t wanna drop 40lbs in a month?) I don’t want to count calories (500 a day? Seriously??). It’s also right in there with diet pills, fad diets, and surgery – I think that’s cheating. I don’t grudge anyone who has success for however long with them, I just don’t think that’s a permanent solution or requires much effort, and in the case of surgery, it’s very extreme and not bloody fair. I love to eat and don’t believe making food the enemy is a solution for weight problems. All bodies are not the same, yadda yadda, etc, etc. My opinions only, take them as you will. Anyway, at one point I was really excited [about HCG]; now my inner hippie and wanna-be naturalist is stomping her foot, telling me how much better I’ll feel and better the results will be if I do this on my own, just for me, and for the right reasons (i.e. health and energy instead of crushing vanity). My inner me has a point, as she often does when her head is screwed on straight. Another important thing, one that should keep the neurotics down to a minimum, is it’s not a race and it won’t happen overnight. I’ve lived most of my life carrying more weight than I’d have preferred and all of the best stuff, the best stories, and crazy adventures have happened just the same. Happiness will not be found on a bathroom scale for me, so I can just let that one go, don’t you think?
So if I can get all this wonderfulness to stick in my stubborn ass brain for more than a day, I should be fine – no, not fine (remember the Italian Job and the definition of ‘Freaked out Insecure Neurotic Emotional’?) I’ll be alright, relatively normal, less psychotic than usual, even-keeled, and so forth.
I've got work in another 30 minutes, so I think a few minutes of well-deserved 'nothing' is in order. Luvs.
I had something of an epiphany last night – I’m in the very unique and enviable position of having a man who loves me for exactly who I am, not the body I live in, not the money I can bring to the table, not contacts, connections, or any of that nonsense; just for me. I could weigh 100lbs or 400lbs; it wouldn’t make a difference. I could go bald, lose a limb, become blind, deaf, or severely disabled, and he’d love me just the same. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how lucky I am, and how I don’t know anyone else who can say that. Honey supports me, whether I want to work out or not, have a career or specialize in doing nothing, play Suzie Housekeeper or keep it to the bare essentials of sex and laundry. As long as I am happy and it doesn’t hurt me, he’s happy. I should be the happiest woman in the world…and I will be more often, as soon as I get my own head out of the way.
We went out with friends the other night, most of them the fit skinny types, and though everyone accepts me just as I am, I start comparing me to them and (of course) coming up short. It’s a neurotic thing I need to squelch ASAP. But having thought about it for two days, I’ve realized several things: 1.) I won’t ever be them – my body isn’t built to be a size 4 no matter what I do, 2.) that’s a good thing, because curves are rare these days, 3.) like Connie and Carla said, “tall, short, skinny, or fat – worship that body! It’s the only one you’ve got.” 4.) and maybe most important, I need to love me no matter how I am, cuz hating myself won’t be solved by changing dress sizes. The other thing I realized is that no matter how great this new HCG stuff sounds (who wouldn’t wanna drop 40lbs in a month?) I don’t want to count calories (500 a day? Seriously??). It’s also right in there with diet pills, fad diets, and surgery – I think that’s cheating. I don’t grudge anyone who has success for however long with them, I just don’t think that’s a permanent solution or requires much effort, and in the case of surgery, it’s very extreme and not bloody fair. I love to eat and don’t believe making food the enemy is a solution for weight problems. All bodies are not the same, yadda yadda, etc, etc. My opinions only, take them as you will. Anyway, at one point I was really excited [about HCG]; now my inner hippie and wanna-be naturalist is stomping her foot, telling me how much better I’ll feel and better the results will be if I do this on my own, just for me, and for the right reasons (i.e. health and energy instead of crushing vanity). My inner me has a point, as she often does when her head is screwed on straight. Another important thing, one that should keep the neurotics down to a minimum, is it’s not a race and it won’t happen overnight. I’ve lived most of my life carrying more weight than I’d have preferred and all of the best stuff, the best stories, and crazy adventures have happened just the same. Happiness will not be found on a bathroom scale for me, so I can just let that one go, don’t you think?
So if I can get all this wonderfulness to stick in my stubborn ass brain for more than a day, I should be fine – no, not fine (remember the Italian Job and the definition of ‘Freaked out Insecure Neurotic Emotional’?) I’ll be alright, relatively normal, less psychotic than usual, even-keeled, and so forth.
I've got work in another 30 minutes, so I think a few minutes of well-deserved 'nothing' is in order. Luvs.
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